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WELCOME TO THE SINGLE MUM CLUB


I truly do think I was destined for single life. I prefer being on my own and before I met Andy could see myself growing old on my own. It's just how I always imagined my life to be. Before falling pregnant with Amelia if you had asked me if I wanted children in the future my answer would have been no as I was never the most maternal person. However things change and when you meet someone you think is the right person you make life changing decisions together. They may not always be the right ones but at least I've had two beautiful children out of it so the past four years haven't completely been a waste!

I often wonder if I've wasted the past four and a half years, what have I got to show from it apart from two amazing children? Was it all a lie? Sure there were good times, but in reality things haven't been right for the past year since the miscarriage really and it all went downhill from there. Although we only split 9 weeks ago I feel as if i've been single for a very long time. Things haven't been right since October and we tried to make them work countless times but when you grow apart from the person you love or once loved it's the best thing to do. No matter how many times you give it another go and try and make it work it just isn't going to happen especially when the other person has completely given up and won't let you in that's when you have to realise it's never going to change and so that's the reason I needed out from hanging onto any little hope I had left, hoping things would change for the better and crying myself to sleep every night wishing things were different as it just wasn't healthy. 

In actual fact I feel as if I've lived as a single mum for the past year or so already so nothing will change really, apart from being in a relationship. I've pretty much brought the kids up on my own as Andy worked long hours, I will still be the one dressing the kids each day, cooking them dinner, bathing them and putting them to bed. I will still do all the housework just like I already did so you could say I have lived as a single mum already. At least there won't be any adjustments when the time comes for Andy to finally move out. 

Friends have been asking if I'll start dating soon and the answer is no. To be honest I don't want nor need a relationship right now. I also don't want to bring someone else into the kids lives who may not be around for very long. I don't want to confuse things and to be honest I don't really want to meet anyone else. I'm quite happy being single and just getting on with life on my own. Who knows maybe someday I will meet Mr right who actually does love me, care for me and doesn't take me for granted but for now I'm just going to concentrate on the kids and doing what makes me happy...blogging.

Are you a single mum? How did you adjust to the change? If you have any advice at all please do leave it below in the comments. 

Kerry x
BritMums

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24 comments

  1. You are so strong, i don't think I could ever be a single mom, we are here to support you my friend

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  2. I'm a single mum, I have been for day one. It's hard work but I wouldn't let it define you or you has a parent. You just do what you have to do and your children will love you whether your single or taken. You can take time to heal and be you. always here for support if you need it. Your incredible.

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  3. I feel like I'm a single mom, he works 24 hours on, comes home; sleeps for another 12, sits on the stupid computer and then goes to bed- doesn't spend any time with our daughter. I feel like i am the one to take care of her 24/7. You don't need someone else to make you happy - you need to be satisfied with yourself before you try to make anyone else happy. I feel like you will make a good single mom, you already do so much for your kids. And you're doing a great job. To be completely honest. He pays the bills and makes sure we have a roof over our heads, but as far as social interaction? He's in one room, I'm in another with Hadley making sure she's taken care of and looked after - not sure how I'd be able to work and look after my daughter. I don't want to miss anything

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    1. I wonder if that's how all men are? My husband is the same way and when he does spend a whole day with us he just irritates me and I just want him to go back home.

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  4. You're going to be just fine. You are a strong, tenacious woman - you don't 'need' a man to cope. You're doing a fab job x

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  5. I relate to so many of the things you've just said. I've officially been a single mum since the start of this year, but like you I'd felt like one for a long time. It sounds like your doing just great on your own! I don't want, nor need a another relationship either. I honestly don't ever see myself wanting one either. You're brave writting such honest posts, I'm not sure I could write them xxxxx

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  6. I know it's nobody's fault that this happened but honestly I tip my hat to you for being able to handle the single motherhood. I couldn't do it. I'd definitely would lose it. Lol x

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  7. I went from married for 9 years, to single with 2 kids and low living with my partner and the kids. It isn't easy but if you can keep some kind of relationship with your ex (everyone says they will but few manage it) it really is worth it, because sometimes they are the only other person in the world who understands how you feel about your kids. It's hard work but ultimately it's the best thing for the kids to be brought up in a peaceful and happy environment, good luck.

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  8. Well done on writing such a brave post lovely- I can only imagine it hurts like hell now but it will get easier and you seem such a strong and independent lady. I was a product of a rather stressful family situation growing up, and when my parents finally separated we were all so much happier- I loved it and now my parents are friends who respect each other! You will all be just fine. xx

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  9. You are immensely strong. This is a hugely brave post. I was raised by a single mum and it was the best education I could have ever had. I am fiercely independent and proud of my own achievements. Your children will watch you and learn how to be brave, strong, wonderful and they will admire you greatly for all of your hard work in raising them. I am proud to say that my best friend is my mum. I genuinely think it was because it was the two of us for so long. Sending you big hugs xx

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  10. I was a single mum for many years it is such hard work at times bu fruitful in the fact you know your trying your best if you know what I mean. I forced my self trough university as didn't want the stigma of being a young teen mum at the time lol. Any way I'm not sure it's good advice really or me mumbling, you have beautiful children and on those rubbish days remember joy comes in the morning.

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  11. Such an honest post my lovely, you are very brave & I have no doubts that you will be just perfect as the 3 of you. Thinking of you & sending gentle squeezes. X

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  12. What an honest post. I'm sure everything will be fine. You've done an amazing job with your children xx

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  13. Brilliantly honest post and I hope it acts as a tiny bit of closure. I hope the next chapter in your life is amazingly happy and wonderful and that the hurt eases quickly xx

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  14. Hi I became a single mum when S was a few months old! It was never easy but I learnt to manage. After 5 1/2 years of single parenting I met the man of my dreams and we are now happily married. As hard as it was, I am grateful for the experience as I know exactly what it feels like on your own. You appear to do such a fab job as a mother. Nice conencting with you. Angela xx

    Angela recently posted “Ways to increase your child’s interest in reading" http://wp.me/p5XRN6-1mG

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  15. Huge respect to you for such a brave post. I've followed your blog for a long time and always thought you seem such a wonderful mum - I have no doubt you will all be just fine :) Hugs xx

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  16. I broke up with my childrens father after 7 and a half years together and it was absolutely liberating. I hadn't been happy for years. After we broke up I try a couple of other relationships but ultimately I've learned I am at my happiest on my own. Which people don't seem to understand. Ii just turned 30 and I'm getting the 'when will you find someone' first of all, that's a f*cking rude question! And second, I don't want or need anyone! That might change over time but all my life plans are being made as a single person with kids and that excites me :)

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  17. I just came across your blog and am so inspired by your strength! What a great example you are for your beautiful kids :) Sending you lots of love!

    Xo,
    Ashley

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  18. You are a strong lady and it sounds like you will carry on with life with the kids and doing whats best for you and them. You have got to be happy, and if you are happier on your won with those two wonderful kids then so be it. It also sounds like you have tried countless times and at least you know you did. I wish you, Amelia and Harrison al the happiness int he world. You are a real inspiration to them and a lot of women out there in the same situation.

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  19. I am a single Mom and for me it was a relief once I was on my own. My now ex-husband just created more work for me. I used to hate coming home at the end. I love being able to make all the decisions now.

    There are times that I think it would be nice to have someone in my life, ultimately I love being in charge. I am enjoying this time alone with my boys. Maybe someday I will find the right person but for now I am content with the way things are.

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  20. You are so strong and independent and it is so inspirational to see the way you are dealing with what must be so hard for you, such an honest post! Hoping that everything goes smoothly for you xx

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  21. Great post. I've come to the same conclusion. xxxx Love your blog

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  22. Hi Kerry,

    I am also a relatively new single mum. I split up from my partner in mid-February this year. We have only recently moved into our separate places after having sold the house that we owned together. I feel a massive sense of relief now that I am single again. The past 18 months have been really difficult and since my son was born 11 months ago I have felt constantly judged by my partner and like I didn't measure up to what he thought I should be and how I should change now that I am a mother. He was controlling and always insisted on having his way, on things that I think should be joint decisions, or in some cases my decision as the mother (like my decision to breastfeed which he disapproved of).

    Anyway, long story short. It sounds like your Mum is nearby and really supportive, that is great. My parents are fantastic and I really don't know what I would do without them. I know that blogs never tell the full story, but I reckon you are doing an absolutely amazing job as a Mum. Good luck and take care of yourself. x

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Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. I love reading them all and will try my best to answer all of your questions. If you would like to contact me for a quicker response please feel free to tweet me at (@ohsoamelia_blog) or email me. Kerry