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LIFE LATELY - SEPARATION


I thought I would share a little life update with you all as I haven't really spoken much about that on here recently and I'm sure some of you may have noticed some things have changed slightly. If you follow me on social media you may have already seen the news that Andy and I have separated and have been living in the same house since March. I won't discuss the reasons why we split here because they are personal but it was mutual and has been a long time coming. Things haven't been right since October last year, we've tried to make them work countless times but it's now been 9 weeks since we came to a mutual decision to separate and live under the same roof and it's certainly not been easy. 

One reason for that is because financially neither of us can afford to move out since it was a mutual decision to split neither of us can kick the other one out nor do we want to. The other issue is down to parenting reasons. Although Andy works a lot of hours Amelia is used to seeing him first thing in the morning when she wakes up before he heads off to work. She doesn't usually see him then until the next morning as he works until late five evenings a week but on the odd occasion he does come home around her bedtime to say goodnight. 

To suddenly cut that out of her routine would be a complete shock and neither of us want any drastic adjustments plus Andy really likes the time he gets with her now as if we weren't living together he would only see her one day a week due to work which would be a huge change for him. I don't want to take away the only little time they get to see each other as that wouldn't be fair, it's not too bad in Harry's case at the moment as he knows nothing different. We both know it's going to happen at some point but whilst she is still too young to understand we want to get everything sorted properly first to make the adjustment as easy as possible for everyones sake. 

The other issue we had was finances, to suddenly remove one persons share of the bills would be a huge cut and that would leave us financially struggling especially with me on maternity leave! I needed to sort out our finances and work out how we would manage and what benefits I'd be entitled to as a single mum. It will be a struggle at first, but I will have to learn how to budget better and not live above my means like I have been doing. I've already started to save money and cut down on the overspending. I had been looking for somewhere cheaper to rent but I really don't want to move house as I've made a home here for the kids, Amelia's grown up here and knows it as her home. She's just recently started nursery 5 minutes round the corner and will also be going there in September. I don't want to up and change everything if there's no need, so Andy will have to move out which he has agreed to. It's now just a waiting game as of course because with no money behind you thats a lot easier said than done. 

We are both grown ups and being mature about the whole situation. We are still good friends, and I'm over the hurt and anger stage now although I do still have my moments where I resent him. I guess you could say we are two parents co-habiting. I'm hoping it won't be for much longer though as I really would like to move on and get my life back on track, have no one to worry about (other than the kids), when they'll be coming home from work, having to do their laundry, tidying up after them and managing their finances for them although I now no longer do all of that for him as I've realised I shouldn't be a pushover. I've already made so many adjustments to suit my lifestyle and benefit the kids and myself. I've also recently bought a new car as we were originally sharing one which of course is no longer practical especially as I want to go out with the kids more this summer. I had also started take Amelia out on my own on Andy's days off as he was never interested in doing anything together so I thought I'd make the most of his days off to do stuff I wanted to do instead of family days. We have also agreed to still go out on family days and even took Amelia to the zoo on her birthday so will still do stuff as a family to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. 

The first few days of the split were weird although it had felt as if we were already living as two separate people under the same house so that didn't really change but to suddenly not kiss goodbye, send kisses in text messages and share a room it was a little strange. As Andy is sleeping on the sofa I tend to come upstairs to my room with Harry when he gets home from work and blog for a few hours. It was strange to call it "my room" to begin with instead of "our room" but we're used to it now. I also feel like he's being more helpful with the kids too which is great as before we would always expect me to do pretty much everything. I'm much happier about the whole situation than I was two months ago but I suppose that's because I'm past that heartbroken stage. 

So that's what my life's looking like at the moment, a bit of a mess but it will all hopefully sort itself out in the long run. I just hope that's sooner rather than later! I just have to think positive of the future for the kids and myself. I never saw myself becoming a single mum of two at the age of 25 especially with Harry being so young and I feel so bad for the kids that they will have separated parents but I guess having happy parents who live separately is better in the long run.

Sorry for rambling but sometimes it's better to let it out than to keep it all in plus perhaps if someone else is going through something similar then this may help them and their situation somehow. 

Kerry x 
BritMums
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56 comments

  1. thinking of you - it must be so tough. i totally agree with that last bit. my mum and dad have despised each other for years but stayed together for me and my sister and it was (and still is!) awful. my dad is miserable and has wasted his life. much better having two happy separate parents xx

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    1. Thank you Rebecca. Its certainly not been easy but it's for the best. Thats what we really don't want to just stay together because of the kids xx

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  2. Oh Kerry! I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your precious family. Wishing you a journey that is healing.

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    1. Thank you Chy, that really does mean a lot x

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  3. I went through a similar thing a few years back, Minxy was 2 and Jamster was 11 months old - things will get easier and you might even wonder why you didn't make the step to a single life earlier. All the best beautiful x

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    1. Thanks Emma. I really do hope so! x

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  4. Oh Kerry :( bless you all, it must be so difficult. Sounds like you're both being so mature about it all and I hope it works out well as the adjustments happen. Good luck to all the family as you go through this journey - if you both keep the children central, as you are then it will sort itself eventually xxx hugs

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    1. Thank you. It hasn't been easy but we are finally getting there. Just the next process I think will be the hardest when the time comes to actually move out etc. I'm not looking forward to that but it has to be done xx

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  5. I think you are so brave taking this step and it sounds like you have done it at the right time. It's brilliant that you can sort it out so amicably. I hope it all gets sorted out soon. Xx

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    1. Thank you, i agree. This is the right time to do so xx

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  6. Hugs to you, i thought maybe a couple weeks back but just let it go.
    I tis good to take the step now, you got this girl

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  7. Huge hugs and lots of love.
    Here for you if you need a shoulder xx

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    1. Thank you Clare, that really does mean a lot xx

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  8. Must be tough. Sounds like you are staying strong. x

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    1. Thank you Erica, i'm trying to as much as possible x

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  9. Oh I am sorry to hear that Kerry but it sounds like you're making some great decisions for Amelia and Harrison and I hope it only gets easy x

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  10. So very sorry to be reading this!xx

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  11. Sorry to read this so soon after you have had Harrison. You are doing great though still living in same house for the children sake. I broke up with my oldest dad when she was tiny and it gets easier and I totally agree having happy parents apart is much better then having unhappy parents together xx

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  12. I'm sorry to read this. I hope it get's better.
    My boyfriend and I are having a tough time right now and I totally agree that being happy on the long run is more important then staying together.

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  13. I'm so sorry to hear this! It sounds like you are coping well considering.

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  14. Bless you Kerry, what a difficult situation. But you sound like you have a very wise head in your shoulders and you seem to have things sorted as best you can for the children which is lovely. You seem to be very optimistic about the future and that is also wonderful. While the hurt will take a long while to heal and you will have good days and bad days never forget that that is okay and very normal. You are doing your best as mum with everything you have going on. Sending lots of hugs xxx

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  15. Oh Kerry this sounds so difficult. It's so hard living in the same house. You sound like your maimg the right steps forward and will one day have your own place again and the children will hae settled into a new routine. Sending hugs and look forward to an update this year hopefully saying how happy you are :)

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  16. You are so brave writing this sweetie but i think you worded it and summed things up perfectly. As i've said from the start we're all here to support you and your happiness, and the kids happiness, is the most important thing right now. It will be hard and take time to adjust but things will get easier and be much better for you all in the long run. xxx

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  17. You are such an inspiration Kerry. You should be so proud of yourself. Well done on putting the kids first (as you always do anyway!) But most people would just walk up and leave and not think about the effect of the the kids! If separation ever happened between me and my partner we have always said we would do it like this! Live together in the same house until I get more money to be steady to have another house.
    Well done you Kerry. You're so strong.

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  18. What a difficult situation, but you sound like you're dealing with it brilliantly (that sounds so patronising!!!). I hope you come to a better arrangement soon, so you can start to move on xx

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  19. I could tell. And I'm so sorry. This was me last year and I can relate in every way. We cohabited for around 10 weeks before we could no longer cope, so I really do appreciate your decision. And even when he moved out it was incredibly sad, mainly as it was right and finite but that was the end of that family. I can promise you, over a year on, things are so much better. I hope you're okay possum. xx

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  20. It sounds like you're doing the right thing and putting the kiddies first is the most important thing; along with putting yourself first. To have the balls to make this decision when you're youngest is still so young is brilliant. You could so easily have been too scared to do what's right for your family and made everyone miserable in the long run. Good on you lady!! Xxx

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  21. Kerry, what a brave and strong woman you are. I respect you so much for making decisions and forging ahead for yours and your children's happiness. Times can be tough but you will come out stronger and even more wonderful for it. Do you read Alice's Blog MoreThanToast? Her and her husband split up when her children were equally young. She's a great read and has come out 'the other side' as such a positive, strong and lovely person.
    Love to you all.
    Gemma - Keepsakes From My Sewing Room xxxx

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  22. Kerry, what a brave and strong woman you are. I respect you so much for making decisions and forging ahead for yours and your children's happiness. Times can be tough but you will come out stronger and even more wonderful for it. Do you read Alice's Blog MoreThanToast? Her and her husband split up when her children were equally young. She's a great read and has come out 'the other side' as such a positive, strong and lovely person.
    Love to you all.
    Gemma - Keepsakes From My Sewing Room xxxx

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  23. Thinking of you & sending you lots of love, strength & here if you need anyone to talk to. Hugs x

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  24. Really sorry to hear you're going through this and hope that it all works out well for you in the end! Hard times to work though but hopefully a brighter future once you come out the other side. I divorced with 1 child at 23 and went through allsorts of upheaval, but absolutely no regrets and a truly happier life ever since. Its just hard to hold it all together in the midst of it all! Sounds like you're doing a great job! x

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  25. Oh kerry, I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be really tough on you right now especially with Harry being so young. I hope you are okay and, I lived with a partner once after we split up and it did get to the stage where I just wanted to move on but this was before kids, it must be so much harder then. It sounds like you are dealing with it so well though xx

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  26. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are being so brave. You are an amazing mother and your children are so lucky to have such a strong mother. I hope everything works out soon for you. Xxxx

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  27. Oh gosh, what a tough situation - lots of positive thoughts coming your way, I'm sure you'll make it through okay!
    Try not to worry about the little ones, it's so much healthier for them to have parents happy and separated than miserable together - that's not the model of family they want to grow up with so you've done the right thing for sure :)
    Best wishes to all of you for the future

    Jess xo
    http://just-jesss.blogspot.co.uk

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  28. I'm so sorry to read this. I honestly think it's better for the children to have happy, separated parents than parents that are together but unhappy. I hope everything works out okay for you all x

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  29. So sorry to read that you've decided to part ways. I feel like I could of written this exact post, word for word last year. We split then co-habited for almost five months until a house for me became available on the council for me. It is super tough at first (and I only had the one child) but when you have your own space it will become almost easier, you have head space too. I really hope things work out and you get to stay in the house, I couldn't afford our old one but now looking back there were too many awful memories there. I instantly felt like a weight had been lifted and I could start to move on with life, I focused on getting fit and myself and Archie for the first time in ages- it was great. Wishing you all the best and I'm always here if you need a chat xxx

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  30. Echoing what everyone else has said and never even feel tempted to feel guilty for doing this - two happy parents is absolutely so much better than staying together if you're not. It must be a really tough moment to be going through so remember if you need anything we're all here for you x

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  31. Very sorry :( This is me too. We have a son with autism who I home educate so for the foreseeable we are cohabiting but we get on as friends so it's sort of ok. I don't know how long it will all be like this but like you just trying to be sensible about it. Hugs xx

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  32. Sending you lots of love x x x

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  33. It certainly doesn't seem like the easiest of situations to be in but it sounds like you are coping with the changes remarkably well. I hope you get your freedom back soon and the chance to move on. :)

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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  34. So sorry to read this. Sounds like such a difficult time but I hope over the next few weeks/months everything can go as well as they can. Lots of hugs :) xx

    Our Seaside Baby

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  35. Kerry you sound so brave. Well done for keeping your head up and having such a profoundly positive and objective outlook, the children will benefit from such positivity and you should be proud that you're dealing with it all so well. You have a while life ahead of you, don't be afraid of what the future may hold xxx

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  36. Kerry you sound so brave. Well done for keeping your head up and having such a profoundly positive and objective outlook, the children will benefit from such positivity and you should be proud that you're dealing with it all so well. You have a while life ahead of you, don't be afraid of what the future may hold xxx

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  37. It sounds like such a difficult place to be, but it sounds as though you are strong enough to make the right decisions for you and yours. Sending you lots of love, strength and hope to get you through the next few months xx

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  38. I am really sorry to hear this news. I hope you can get the living situation sorted out asap x

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  39. Aw it's tough hun but I know you're a strong person and you will get through this! If you weren't happy, you did the right thing! :) xx

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  40. It's always difficult when there's children involved. I am separated from Elsa's dad and at first it was a bit of a shock to the system becoming a single mum but you soon adjust and you'll be surprised at how strong and capable you are. If you ever need to talk to someone going through a similar thing you know where I am. Take care and good luck xxx

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  41. I stayed in a marriage for years that I shouldn't have for the children, but realised once I left that I was a much better Mum when I was happy and not wishing I was somewhere else. What's good for us usually benefits our children I find, and I found the man I was 'meant' to be with afterwards #cheese!

    Stevie x

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  42. Kerry you are so right - it's more important for you to be happy parents! You are being so strong for your children and I have the utmost respect and admiration for that xx

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  43. I've just been catching up on your blog, I am so sorry to hear this although it sounds as if it is for the best and you are being very strong about it. I wish you all the luck for this new adventure!

    Leanne - A Slice of My Life Wales

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  44. Oh so sorry to hear this :( you are very brave for writing about it, this must not have been an easy post to write. It does sound like both of you are very mature about it, but it must be very difficult. Time will heal, eventually.

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  45. It sounds like you're both being really mature about it all and putting the kids first. It will all sort itself out in the end. Sending love x

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  46. Recently a single parent too.
    You seem to be embracing it in a positive manner, I hope I'll be able t get to the point I accept this journey as well.
    Looking forward to following you on your way.
    www.livingwithmylove.blogspot.co.uk

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Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. I love reading them all and will try my best to answer all of your questions. If you would like to contact me for a quicker response please feel free to tweet me at (@ohsoamelia_blog) or email me. Kerry