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The End Of A Journey



Before Amelia was born I had no idea whether or not we were going to breastfeed. I hadn't done any research into it and was pretty clueless and naive. Once she was born it felt like the most natural thing in the world and we went with that. I felt determined to breastfeed her for as long as possible and so glad that I got the chance to. 

We've finally come to the end of our breastfeeding journey at nearly 28 months and for some reason I don't feel as emotional about that as I thought I would. I think that if we had stopped when Amelia was younger then it would have been a different story, but the fact that I actually wanted to stop most probably played a big part in that. As terrible as it sounds, I wanted my body back, that may sound selfish but having given a part of your body away to some body else for 2 and a half years and being in pain for a lot of it can take it's toll on you.

Amelia would nurse for comfort and this would be at least 20 times a day, it was beginning to become too much and I knew it was time to stop. I managed to stop her from feeding during the daytime by sitting in the other room or on the stairs so she wouldn't come and sit down and help herself. She would throw tantrums and hit me if I didn't let her feed so this was the easiest way to do so. I had tried many times before telling her she was a big girl and didn't need it now but she just didn't understand. Once we had the day time feeds out of the equation I started to drop the bed time one, we would always sit at the end of her bed until she fell asleep or she would feed and tuck herself up in bed, instead I sat on the floor and held her hand until she went to sleep. After a few days she stopped telling me to sit at the end of the bed and eventually just laid back down and would go to sleep. So much easier than a few months ago when I had previously tried all of this! 

The last feed that we needed to drop was the morning one, this was the most difficult as she would come into our room anytime during the night when she woke, this could be at 1am, 3am or even 5am. I would obviously be fast asleep so just let her climb into bed and feed to go back to sleep. She is now finally sleeping until at least 5am most days now so one evening I decided to leave the gate on her door shut so she couldn't come through on her own. She shouted "mummy" and I went to get her and when she came through I gave her water instead and she sat on our bed watching videos on the iPad or making a mess in our bedroom and didn't even try to feed. It took a few days for her to get used to but it finally worked! 

One of the main reasons I was itching to stop was because during pregnancy many women experience sensitive breasts, this was the case for me. When ever Amelia would latch on it would remind me of those early newborn days again when you're literally tensing your whole body up and curling your toes in pain. It felt more like a chore than an actual bonding moment like it used to do. I knew she wasn't getting anything from feeding other than comfort so it was time to stop. I had tried many times before ever since she was around 18 months old, don't get me wrong she had cut down a lot and wasn't feeding for as long as she used to but it would be every time she got upset, every time she hurt herself, every time she went to bed, woke up, and 100's of times during the day when she felt like it. I can now sit down on the sofa without her coming over to me to feed as she took it as an opportunity to help herself.

Breastfeeding has been a wonderful experience and I will definitely be trying to breastfeed again when baby boy is born. However I will be expressing every so oftern so he doesn't get too reliant on me and other people can feed him too. I'm also debating whether or not to give a bottle of expressed or even formula at night time as Amelia was a terrible sleeper and would literally be feeding on me all night. 

I've learnt a lot about breastfeeding, and a lot about myself. Here are a few of the things I've learnt about breastfeeding:

1. It does get easier! 

2. Breastfeeding saves a lot of money 

3. It's okay to ask for help

4. Breastfeeding is a commitment

5. It's 100% worth it! 

You can read some of my other breastfeeding posts below:


How did your breastfeeding journey go? Are you still breastfeeding? I'd love to hear your experience.

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14 comments

  1. You should be beyond proud of yourself. Amelia is one lucky girl. Xxxxx

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  2. Well done darling. You've done amazingly.

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  3. You've done an amazing job! Nursing Aversion during pregnancy is common and I've had it on and off even though I'm not pregnant so can imagine how difficult it must have been. Still feeding my 3 year old :) If you can, try and avoid formula for new baby as it replaces a feed and can affect your supply unless you express at the same time. My two were completely different sleepers but both sleep through now so fingers crossed your new little one is a little more accomodating on the sleep front x

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  4. How amazing, well done you. I would highly recommend expressing, or replacing with a bottle (although I only did that much later, like around 7 months) but make sure you wait till at least 8 weeks they say before you start the expressing as then your milk supply will be well established and you're less likely to create any problems. You should be really proud not just of how long you fed but the way you stopped seems really thoughtful of Amelia and creative strategies. She was obviously ready this time round of trying xxx

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  5. You lasted a really long time! You should feel so proud. It's hard work and something I couldn't do. Only a Mother understands the pain of breastfeeding. xx

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  6. You are my hero my friend <3 I never enjoyed breastfeeding to be honest, in fact I dreaded it. Good job momma on giving your baby the best food you could.

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  7. Well done. I breastfed my youngest until he was 21 months. He self weaned, which I think was down to my milk beginning to change being pregnant again, but I was more than ready for him to stop as was suffering from serious nursing aversion, Even though it generally wasn't painful, the thought of feeding made me feel sick. We have made the decision to breastfeed new baby for the first few days but move to formula feeding this time. I have been pregnant and breastfeeding for the past four years without a break, and my body now needs a break. With three under 3.5 I need hubby and family to help out a bit more. I will be sad not to breastfeed Ben as long as I did with Alex, bt ANY amount of breastfeeding is better than nothing x

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  8. Wow i would never have done it for that long I would have died lol. But go you well done!! I have to say breast feeding holly I never really enjoyed it. Didn't get a binding feeling I guess lol
    L x
    Http://workingmumy.blogspot.com

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  9. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself for doing it that long lovely. I lasted 15 months with LL and 11 months with Mads and that was long enough for me, it's not selfish to want to get your body back, it's physically and emotionally demanding having someone else relying on your body. xx

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  10. Well done sweetie. It isn't selfish to want your body back... 28 months is a long time. I kind of laughed when I read about getting your body back though as you are pregnant so are sharing your body with another already hehe but I totally get what you are saying xx

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  11. You and Amelia have done incredibly - you should be so proud. The only reason I stopped bfing LP was because I was pregnant again and with Little Man it felt right to stop at the same point I had with his sister. I love your points at the end - It is so worth it! x

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  12. Wow well done!! You've been amazing! I didn't breast feed I so wish I did though!! xx

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  13. Wow, am impressed that a) You breastfed for so long- and so often, and b) the eventual stopping seems relatively angst-free for you both! :)

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Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. I love reading them all and will try my best to answer all of your questions. If you would like to contact me for a quicker response please feel free to tweet me at (@ohsoamelia_blog) or email me. Kerry