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Why now?



Did you know that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage? 
I didn't
Until Wednesday....

I was that one
Waiting to see our 10 or 12 week old baby on the screen
Only to see an empty sac 
Which stopped growing at 7 weeks
I knew straight away
No heartbeat 
Nothing 

Having known since around 3-4 weeks 
It seemed like a lifetime of waiting
Taking tests each week to see if I was still pregnant
I didn't feel pregnant 
No symptoms 
But I wasn't worried
Maybe I was naive
Maybe I got my hopes up too early

A thousand questions running through my head.

Why me?
Why us?
Why now?

We felt like we were ready so why was it not meant to be?

I am numb
Angry 
Upset
My heart aches 

Now I have to wait for my body to realise...
Realise that I am no longer pregnant 
So I can move on

But I have an amazing little girl who is helping through all of this
And hopefully our time will come 
Hopefully sooner rather than later...
I can only hope!

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87 comments

  1. Oh Kerry I'm so sorry my lovely! xx

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  2. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, my heart goes out to you x

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  3. Hun im so sorry , I had a miscarriage 7 weeks its not nice but it gave me more inspiration to keep going and I did I had millie and alfie . so chin up sweetie .x

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    1. Thank you Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear that and you're right it makes you want to keep going. xx

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  4. We love you so much hun! Cuddles from Hayden & I. Seriously wish we lived closer xxxx

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    1. Thank you hun, wish we lived closer too! boo :( xx

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  5. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. It's so true that it's isn't very widely known how many pregnancies end in miscarriage. The statistic makes you realise how precious life is. I'm thinking of you lovely and I hope you can move on from this quickly. x

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  6. Really thinking of you all Kerry, I'm so sorry xx

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  7. So sorry this has happened Kerry :( xx

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  8. Oh sweetie, we were all so excited for you and now just feel disappointed and angry for you. You are strong and you will get through this. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses! Love you lady xxx

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    1. Thank you Vikki, and for being there this whole time really does mean a lot. xxx

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  9. You're brave for sharing this, you have lots of support around you and your time will come again, it will be even more special and magical too :), I can't even imagine what you are going through, I'd be feeling all the same emotions as you, I think you are being so strong, I would seriously struggle! As I said before, I am always here for you, lots of love xx

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    1. Thanks Jess, I really do hope so. Thank you again really does mean a lot xx

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  10. So sorry sweetheart. So, so sorry. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Take care of yourself. xxx

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  11. We are all here for you sweetie. I knew how excited you were and can't even imagine how your feeling right now. I so wish we lived closer.
    It will happen sweetie. Your a fabulous mummy to Amelia. Xxxxx

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    1. Thank you sweetie, makes me realise how precious life really is. Thanks for being there xxx

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  12. I am so Sorry! I know that feeling the moment of excitement when you find out and then the emptiness. A Huge hug your way xxxx

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  13. I had this happen right before getting pregnant with Mila. I knew I was pregnant for a few days and then headed in for a scan to find the baby stopped growing. It is such a hard thing to go through but I promise it will get better. We waited a couple months before trying again and got pregnant the first try. Hoping it will be this easy for you as well and that you guys are doing okay!!

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    1. So sorry to hear you have been through the same thing, but glad you got pregnant again! I really do hope so too. Thank you xx

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  14. I'm so sorry sweet. I'm pleased your little girl is helping you through. You are all in my thoughts xx

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    1. Thank you Hannah, she really is. It makes it so much easier xx

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  15. im sorry to hear that, your a very lovely and helpful, sending you a virtual hug x

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  16. Oh no. Kerry i’m so sorry, I hope that you can see past it and realise that everything happens for s reason!

    Sending love and hugs xxx

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  17. So sorry to hear this sad news hun thinking of you xxxxxx

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  18. I am so sorry to read your news. I recently went through the same thing, yet again. It hurts like hell. Take comfort in your little lady. She will help you through. Thinking of you xx

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    1. Thank you, so sorry to hear you've been through it too :( It really does. xx

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  19. You're so brave for sharing this heartbreak. My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Take care.

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  20. Kerry, I'm so sorry for you both. I went through the same 3 years ago and know the heartache you are going through. If you ever want to talk, DM or email. Life can be so cruel. Big hugs xx

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry to hear you have been through the same. xx

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  21. I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs. Be strong so you could inspire others.

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  22. Kerry, there are no words. I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your beautiful family at this sad time. Lots of love xx

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  23. I hope your sunshine comes soon x

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  24. <3 so sorry to hear kerryxxx thinking of you and andy xxx

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  25. So sorry, Thinking of you & sending hugs x

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  26. So sorry Kerry. Exact same thing happened to me a few years ago before Jack and it's just so bloody awful. Heartbreaking. Hope you feel better soon. It takes time and is really hard but time is a great healer.Here If you need to chat i follow you on twitter you can dm me anytime xxx

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    1. Thank you Louise, so sorry to hear you have been through it before too. xx

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  27. So sorry to read this. Take care of yourself xx

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  28. So sorry to read this, sending you strength and peace.

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  29. I am so sorry to read this Kerry. Sending you and your little family all my love. xxxxxxxxxxx

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  30. Oh how awful for you, I'm so so sorry. I was terrified of miscarriage, I can't imagine how horrific it must be to go through. Hope a little miracle comes along soon for you xxx

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  31. So sorry to hear this Kerry! Stay strong.
    Thinking of you xxxx

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  32. Oh, Kerry! I'm so sorry to here this. Take time to grieve - and talk about it. I know for me it helped to talk to my close friends and even my husband. Sending you my best thoughts for comfort.

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    1. Thank you, sorry to hear you've been through the same. I tend to keep my feelings to myself but really should learn to talk to others xx

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  33. I'm so sorry to hear this, having been through this myself I have a good idea of how you are feeling ((((hugs))))) xx

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  34. I know how you feel. I went through the exact same thing. It makes you feel like you've failed! So sad to hear :( hope you're doing ok! Xxx

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    1. Thank you Louise, sorry to hear you've been through the same. xx

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  35. I'm really sorry to read this xx

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  36. Oh Kerry. :( There are no words to describe how devastating a miscarriage can be. :( Please take care of yourself. xxx

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  37. Oh I am so so sorry. I know the stats because I am part of them twice over and I would want for nothing more than that no one else ever has to come by that knowledge first hand. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone x

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  38. I have been in your shoes, and my heart breaks for you. Prayers for you in this time.

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  39. I'm so sorry to read this Kerry. It's so heartbreaking that these things can happen. My thoughts are with you during this horrible time xx

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  40. I'm so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your family x

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  41. So sorry to hear about this sadness. Big hugs to you and you family.

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  42. Kerry, I am truly so so so sorry :"( I can't even imagine.

    Alex x
    www.bump-to-baby.com

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  43. Sending so much love your way. Such sad news and I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Xxx

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  44. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending love, it does get easier to deal with over time.
    xxx

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  45. <3 So sorry hun. You know exactly where I am if you need anything at all xxxxx

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  46. so sorry to hear this. This happened to my sister twice, both times found out at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. She now has 3 beautiful boys, but she will never forget her two lost babies

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  47. Awww im so sorry to hear your sad news :(.. We tried for 3 years for our 3rd baby, and like you I knew I was pregnant from 3 weeks, I had a planned scan at 13weeks and 2 days to learn that we also had a blighted ovum, which required a DNC asap as it looked possibly like a Molar Pregnancy... To go from being told that my long awaited baby was no more to being told I may need Chemo was a huge shock to the system... I conceived 6weeks later, which also wasn't meant to be... 5weeks after getting the all clear I conceived my Little Layla!... Shes my little rainbow baby. I wish you all the luck in the future.. but for now {hugs}

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  48. Very sorry to read this. Such sad news. Sending you comforting vibes. x

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  49. I'm so, so sorry Kerry. As a mom who has had 4 healthy babies (now grown up), 2 stillbirths at the end of pregnancy and 6 early miscarriages, I am always so sad when this happens to another family. There are no perfect or magical words to make it better but I will tell you to take good care of yourself, cry, talk, create memories about the brief time your little one was with you and give yourself lots of time to grieve. Know you are not alone and many are thinking of you.

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  50. Oh Kerry...I am so sorry to you & your families loss. Such a sad thing to read. *hugs* xxx

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  51. So sorry to hear, but I know you will have a little brother or sister for Amelia when the time is right. Good luck x

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  52. I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and yours.

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  53. I'm a new blogger so have recently found you, and read this sad news. I'm so sorry to hear this, huge hugs x

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  54. Oh I am so sorry, life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. Sending so much love xxx

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  55. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard, give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. x

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  56. I'm so sorry you had to experience this, I experience an ectopic at the end of January so am well accustomed to that empty feeling you get. But I'm now 12 weeks pregnant again with a healthy baby. I know it can seem like a bit of a dark tunnel after a loss but the way I looked at it was our loss made way for this baby that will be born, for some reason or another this baby was more to be than our lost baby and I cant wait to find out why. You're time will come just when it's supposed to happen

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Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. I love reading them all and will try my best to answer all of your questions. If you would like to contact me for a quicker response please feel free to tweet me at (@ohsoamelia_blog) or email me. Kerry