We've been seeing 4am a lot lately... actually we've been seeing pretty much every hour from 1 am oh hello sleepless newborn nights. But that's okay because I know they won't last forever and as I lie here typing this with Harrison sprawled out across my chest, feeling his heartbeat beating and his warm breath on my skin I couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now.
My body is used to be being sleep deprived by now, especially after two and a half years of Amelia sleeping in our bed where I would never be fully asleep incase I would roll over and squish her. I've always been a light sleeper and ever since Amelia has started sleeping through the night she still occasionally wakes now and comes into our bed. Before H was born I was getting a good 5-6 hours sleep which was uninterrupted apart from the odd toilet trip when I was heavily pregnant, I couldn't complain. I could survive on this and function throughout the day quite happily.
So, I thought I'd be able to cope with the sleepless nights, after all I've done it before. The fact that it's broken sleep with an hour here or there ruins your sleep pattern even more. I feel physically drained. Again, I'm fine during the day and don't feel tired. However come 9pm I'm a zombie and by midnight when I take H upstairs to bed and it starts all over again. We fall asleep around 1 and then wake up an hour later and so on until the morning.
I don't want to get into the habit of having him sleeping on me like I did with Amelia but if that's the only way we're all going to get some more sleep then maybe that's what I'll have to do. After all you can't really spoil babies as they say, and I know eventually he'll be in his own bed and in his own room.
But for now I'll soak up all of these newborn moments because this is most probably going to be our last baby which makes me sad that I won't be able to experience this again.